Apa khabar iman? Yazid au yanqus?


Hai awak dan awakk,, Solat dulu yok!

Nov 19, 2015


terus terang la aku cakap, aku ada insta, twitter semua tu tapi bagi aku blog lagi best. sebabnya, blog aku lebih personal walaupun tak private. so kalau aku nak luah pape tapi aku tanak orang yang baru kenal aku baca, aku boleh luah sini. daripada pi tulis kat insta or bertwitter yg kebanyakan daripada followers semuanya kawan-kawan baru. feeling dia sangat tak best dan tak selesa. huhu.

sebabnya juga, aku banyak ubah personaliti kat sini. hurm, takde la banyak sangat. ada jugak terbawak perangai buruk yang lama-lama tu. hoho. tapi main point nya kat sini aku tak show my true colours sangat. in fact aku memang tak suka tunjuk my true personality dengan orang lain. haa teruk kan. -.-

apa pun, sebenarnya nak cerita je. pasal semalam. ada madah (subjek) Adab yakni tamadun, ustazahnya soh hafal beberapa bait syair jahili ni dan akan ditanya. semalam la yang ditanya nya tu. mula fikir kena tulis or just pegi baca depan ustazah tu je. rupanyaaa kena baca depan semua orang. waaa gigil ketaq tangan. nasib baik lepas walaupun tersangkut-sangkut. wakaka.

rasa nak pat on my own back. hehe.

tapi nak dijadikan cite balik, tadi pegi suwaiqah (pasar)  pastu masuk la dalam salah satu kedai kat situ. dan pakcik kedai tu macam perasan yang aku cakap Arab macam keling kot. pastu dia bagi la nasihat supaya aku kena sentiasa praktis dan bagi lancar bercakap. aku pun iyakan je la. tapi rasa camm... haihh.

tarik balik my patting tu dan digantikan dengan slapping laju-laju. huhu.

aku pun tak tau la apesal la nak malu sangat bercakap ni. same goes la to English pun. malu segan. tak habis-habis. buang la tebiat tu aula oii. it only brings you down. and nowhere pun.

the utmost obstacle and the biggest one.

orang tak gelak pun la kalau salah cakap ke apa ke. yang penting TRY! MUMARASAH!

dah bai. kecewa dengan diri sendiri.

Nov 11, 2015

Blood is Thicker

The wind blew through me. It was cold despite of the scorching sun above. I adjust my position so that I feel more comfortable. Nevertheless my heart is still pounding against my chest. My fingers are tapping nervously on the table. I keep glancing at my watch for every single minute. It is not even 10 am yet. Why did I come earlier than the promised time?

"Hey. "

I literally jump off the chair. Quickly, I turn to my left and there stand a man in his thirty smiling awkwardly.

" Hey. " I face him and try to crack a smile but I swear it looks so fake.

And he try to smile back to me.

" So... " My voice trails off.

" How about I take a seat first? "

" Oh yeah of course. Please take a seat."

I mentally slap myself for being so nervous. Calm down, girl! He's not even going to run away.

"Have you ordered anything?" His hands are flipping through the menu.

No, of course not. I could hardly swallow anything from this morning.

"Not yet. Waiting for you."

He smiles. I'm still not used to how eerily same his smile looks like with someone I know. No dimple yet it's so breathtaking to look at that it stops your brain to think about anything that bothers you at that time. It abruptly brought me tears in my eyes. No, no! Must not cry!

He then waves his right hand to a waiter so that he can take our order. He orders a chocolate pancake while I choose a blueberry one.


That's it. The real conversation begins now!

"Who knows we'll meet like this again." He shrugs.

"I know right. It's like fate is playing with us. "

" You know how much I've been yearning to find you? And little did I know that the person I yearn so much it's just a stone away from me. Just within my reach. If only I'd knew from the beginning... "

" You know what, even you know sooner or later it does not change a thing."

Even if he try not to sound disappointed but I still could hear his small sigh. "I wish I could have the time to ask for forgiveness from him."

Just right then our orders arrive at the table stopping us from talking.

He starts to lift a fork and a knife. And slowly a piece of the pancake goes into his mouth. I can only stare at him. Having no appetite to even swallow anything.

"Not eating?" He raises an eyebrow.

I sheepishly shake my head. "Maybe later." I end up playing with the fork.

After minutes of silence, he asks me the question that I am most afraid of.

"How do you feel? You know, after knowing about all this? After what happened? How do you feel about me?"

"I just hope you don't hate me. Even if you do hate me, there is nothing I can do, do I?" He continues after hearing no reply from me.

I pressed my lower lips really hard that I feel like it would rip apart. How do I even answer that?

"It's.. It's complicated, you know. It'll be easier if I can hate you. Then I wouldn't be in this mess. Feeling hatred, sorry and confused in the same time. The first time I knew the whole thing about us, I thought about what you have done to me. And I thought about forgiving you. The thought scares me. Why, why you should have been my.. my brother. Why? If you stay as a stranger, I could easily cut ties with you. We should never see each other again. "

I try hard to hold back my tears, yet my eyes seem to betray me. How could I not, after I have let go everything that I feel from the start. And it actually feels great to let my tears fall.

"I'm sorry. I really am. You have no idea how bad I regret what I have done. Towards you. Towards him. After I gain my memories back, everything becomes so clear. I know now why I couldn't forget him and you after I set my eyes on you two the first time."

"And you don't believe it when father said that you are his lost son. You thought father was crazy. You thought that father just want to take advantage of your wealth. And you kicked him from your house without any mercy. And then you found me and you told me not to even dream having your money."

He rubs his forehead with his thumb and index finger. "Why did I do that. I am so inhumane."

"And I asked father how did he even think that you are his son. As far as I remember my lost brother is the sweetest and loving person ever. Not some scumbag who does not have any morales. I kept assuring father that he was wrong. But nothing can beat father's institution for that."

He keeps his mouth shut. I bet he is feeling all guilty now. I seriously have no intention to bring the past. But I couldn't not talk about what had he did before. I am sure that he must have reflected all of his actions. But I just want to knock off some senses into him for the last time.

I reach for his right hands on the table and slip off a piece of paper into his hand. I shed off some leftover tears in my eyes and show my sincerest smile for today.

"No matter how long he waited for you, he never grew tired of it. But unfortunately enough he had left us earlier before he can taste the happiness. I respect him for that. "

He looks at the paper in his hand and then looks at me. I can see that he could not see it coming. I hope that piece of paper can fills up the hole in his heart and cover up the years that he had lost with father.

"And I miss you, brother."

He presses back my hand. The last thing I know, I have nothing against him now. Maybe I lost my father but I get my brother back.

And maybe it sounds so cliché, but who cares, blood is ridiculously thicker than anything in this world, and you gotta admit that.

-Monday 10.06 pm-

p/s: excuse me for my grammars though. it's been so long that i've written any story. and this story just popped up in my head out of nowhere. i just thought about how do i react if i found my lost brother and then i added up some background story to make it seems interesting enough? no? hahaha. duh, i wrote this in a night, gimme a break will ya.