Apa khabar iman? Yazid au yanqus?

Announce

Hai awak dan awakk,, Solat dulu yok!

Jan 1, 2017

My Last Thoughts on 2016

MY LAST THOUGHTS ON 2016

so, this year has finally gonna end in about less than an hour. i still remember vividly the same night last year, counting down the seconds all by myself and feeling all kind of emotions. but not today though. i kind of not feeling all melo.

instead i tend to look back and reflect what have i actually done and achieve. i kind of regret and all but believe me, the next day will be all same even if i do kind of regretting every single passing minute without doing anything that can be proud of.

i keep sinking and my vision is always blurred by something that i'm not aware of. i don't know how to perceive this.

sometimes i don't trust myself. and always i keep disappointing myself. i don't have anything to be proud of. i have lost all my passion. and i don't even know what's left in me right now.

what have i achieved?
-nothing. like seriously. my studies are not that great either. and i can't even speak my mind clearly, let alone fluently in arabic. all go down to the drain.

where am i going?
-i know i have to go down the right path. the straight path, the path of my Lord. but sometimes i just go astray and let myself do that. i don't have a strong willpower and mind to prevent myself from that.

what have i contributed to the ummah?
-this is the question that i'm really ashamed to answer. absolutely nothing. i haven't done anything to help our dying ummah. i know we are dying, yet i just keep my eyes close and do nothing. really shame on me.

what do i have to do from now on?
-i really hope someone just knock some senses into me. wake me up before i wake up in a state that i can never do anything anymore. before everything is too late and the door of chance has closed tightly.

lastly, i have something to say to the future me:

hey aula. if your state right now is not so good and if it all because of what you have done in the past, please don't blame it on me. after all i am the old you and i could never imagine what my future would be, that is your state right now. just keep going and don't lose the path of your Lord. you're almost there, please don't let go the rope yet.

Sep 4, 2016

Cuti Summer

cuti summer yang akan habis. aku fikir aku akan punya waktu yang banyak tidak terisi. tapi alhamdulillah tak pun. banyak events yang terjadi makanya aku tak adalah rasa cuti ni terbuang sia-sia saja.

aku belajar macam mana nak bergaul dengan orang-orang yang ada status. aku belajar cara pergaulan diorang, cara pemikiran diorang. sebab banyak berurusan dengan orang kedutaan dan walaupun mulanya rasa kekok tapi it's okay. dan diorang pun to my amaze sangatlah humble and kind. takde meletakkan satu wall antara mereka dan kami.

aku juga belajar hidup tanpa ada henfon selama sebulan. sabar yang aku tak sangka aku ada dalam diri. nak kata hidup tanpa gadjet pun tak jugak, disebabkan takde nya henfon di tangan laptop aku yang bising dan berat ini jugak lah aku jadikan mangsa dibukaknya hari-hari. dan facebook yang sebulan sekali aku online tu jugak lah jadi tempat berhubung dengan manusia yang jauh dari mata.

aku belajar meng-appreciate orang sekeliling, aku belajar berbuka hati dengan segala jenis perangai dan sikap yang berbeza orang terhadap perangai dan sikap aku yang juga pelbagai. accept them for who they are like how i accept myself for who i am.

dan sebagaimana aku belajar menilai orang, aku juga belajar terima apa yang orang nilai aku. introvert? sangat. tak perlu disangkal lagi. itulah persepsi pertama orang akan lemparkan. dan aku pun sudah semakin live up dengan nilaian tersebut.

tapi aku perasan sesuatu, kalau kita buat baik dan orang tak endahkan pun kebaikan kita, we'll end up tired and exhausted for being kind. but sebaliknya bila you expect nothing from your kindness, dan even takde orang kesah pun you will get pure satisfaction. nak expect apa dari orang when you do know that Allah knows.

jujur aku cakap, there's time in midst of other people laughing i got scared. aku rasa sangat insecure dengan apa yang akan berlaku. we might be laughing now and crying for the next seconds. the vague future which seems to be feared of. lalu aku terbaca kata-kata ini,

لا تفكر كثيرا
بل استغفر كثيرا
فالله يفتح بالاستغفار
أبوابا لا تفتح بالتفكير

after hardships surely will come the ease.
jangan takut dengan ketidakpastian.
sebab dengan itu kau belajar erti tawakal.
dan tawakal kau perlu didahului dengan usaha.

dan akhir sekali, aku belajar kitab Qatrunnada wa ballissoda serta Syazal'arf wa fan sorf selama dua minggu. yey alhamdulillah! worth it walaupun level dia dah up sikit berbanding Tuhfatussaniah. terima kasih kepada ustaz-ustaz yang mengajar. bila dengar mereka yang terer ni berbicara rasa ilmu aku ni sangatlah bagai celupan jari dalam lautan.

tu pun masih malas mengekor macam ular sawa lagi?

don't take things you have for granted. menyesal tak ke sudah nanti.